


You just keep me hanging on

by LlawenGwaed



Series: Perfect Day [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Day of Honor, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22683163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: What was Tom thinking at the end of Day of Honor? Why did it take three days to resolve?Harry gets used as a sounding board.Single scene.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Series: Perfect Day [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643563
Comments: 11
Kudos: 31





	You just keep me hanging on

_They hung there in space. Clinging to each other, the only thing left in each other’s universe. These moments were all they had, all they would ever have. A declaration of love, with the computer counting down the oxygen they had left. All Tom’s patience and understanding had bought him was a love smothered before it could catch fire._

_He hadn’t been too worried about dying until now, but as he clung to B’Elanna, his mind started to rage. ‘Be strong for her.’ He thinks to himself, resigning himself to his impending death. ‘Don’t make these last moments worse than they already are.’_

_****_

Oxygen deprivation was not the only thing that had given Tom his current headache. He’d blacked out as he and B’Elanna were rescued from certain death in airless EVA suits. She’d already left sickbay by the time he came around fully.

The Doctor started talking about her third lung causing her to recover more quickly than Tom. He’d thought better than to remind the Doctor that hours earlier, the additional lung had meant she’d felt the effects of the lack of oxygen well before him. And it was horrifying, because to Tom, it had mean she had started the process of dying in front of him.

As he was released from sickbay, he thought about going to her. His instinct was to be with her, thinking of the weight of her in his arms, being so close but separated. He wanted to hold her without the layers of spacesuit in the way.

However, there was more than a physical barrier between them right now. Tom also wanted to shout at B’Elanna. Really loudly. He wanted her to know how completely frustrating she was.

So, he thought better of it and went back to his quarters, kicking off his shoes and leaving his jacket on the back of the sofa. Tom replicated a bacon sandwich which he couldn’t bring himself to eat more than a few bites of. He still felt lightheaded and groggy. His stomach was doing backflips.

Eventually someone came to check on him. For a split second, he hoped it would be her, but that would be too much to hope for. 

“Yeah?” He responded without moving from the sofa.

The doors opened and Harry Kim stepped inside. “Hi.” He greeted his friend with a hint of caution.

“Harry-“ Tom started to say.

“Thought I’d come check up on you.” Harry jumped in before Tom could finish what he was saying. That threw him off a little.

“Seeing how I am after my latest brush with death?” Tom retorted, trying to sound glib. “I’m fine.”

There was a pause before Harry spoke again. “You don’t look it.” He said quietly as he set himself down on opposite end of the sofa to Tom.

“Really?” Tom asked, his eyes narrowing as to what he meant by that.

“You look like someone gut punched you.” Harry offered bluntly.

“Thanks!” Came a sarcastic retort. Tom could remember a time when he could conceal his feelings well. He was out of practice.

Pausing again before speaking, Harry offered part of his reason for his concern. “I saw Chakotay on the way here. He said B’Elanna was- off.”

Tom jumped in at the mention of her name. Speaking softly now, but quickly. “In what way? Did she say anything?”

Harry took a moment to register that Tom had verbally bitten his hand off at the mention of B’Elanna’s name. He was unsure why.

“No idea.” Harry informed him as Tom got up and started pacing the room. “Did you two use up all your oxygen arguing?”

Tom shook his head in response. He was pretty much lost for words, which was rather unprecedented.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked, baffled as to what had happened to his cool, collected friend to make him so worked up.

Harry had known for weeks that Tom was serious about B’Elanna- because he kept it to himself. He’d never got more than a poorly suppressed smile from Tom when he suggested anything between them. With previous crushes Tom would drop in and interrupt whatever Harry was doing to bemoan the fact that he was infatuated with a beautiful woman. With B’Elanna, it felt like a secret Tom was trying to keep from himself, and therefore everyone else.

Tom looked over at him and sat down again, before cupping his hands over the lower part of his face.

“I’m in trouble Harry.” He finally said, dropping his hands onto his legs. ”Something happened out there and- I’m not sure how to handle it.”

“Between you and B’Elanna?” Harry ventured.

Tom nodded his head. Outside of a life or death situation, Harry had never seen him this serious. He gestured with his hands to ask Tom to continue.

“This-,” Tom paused before committing himself, “-doesn’t leave this room.”

“OK.” Harry nodded, waiting for Tom to lay down what was eating him.

“B’Elanna and I- we talked.” He knitted his fingers together. ”We- consoled each other, because dying alone in space isn’t so bad if you’ve got someone with you. She got upset, I comforted her.”

_Her face was so close to his, but might as well have been seventy thousand light years. He’d never caress her soft skin. Never hold her body to his._

The helmsman took a moment to make sure he could push through to the heart of what he was communicating about the day’s events.

“We dozed off as the oxygen got low. Then- we only had minutes. B’Elanna shook me awake, because-“he paused- “She needed to tell me that- she loves me.”

_And this was it. This was as good as it got. He’d never run his hands through her hair. Never have her lips pressed to his. Never lie in a blissful tangle of limbs after making love. Happiness had slipped through their fingers, and knowing that fact shortly before oblivion rushed up on them, was worse._

Oh hell, Harry thought. That was sort of a huge deal. “Whoa.” He paused. “What did you say?”

“What was I supposed to say?” Tom snapped, almost in a rage. “Thanks, that’ll make the three minutes of air we have left really enjoyable? I’m really mad at her right now.”

Harry couldn’t quite remove being puzzled from his voice, “Because she told you?”

“Because-“ Tom yelled before stopping himself from yelling at Harry. “She waited until there was nothing either of us could do about it. And now- I don’t know.”

He paused for a moment and ran his hands through his hair, trying to fathom the day through the prism of his headache. “I don’t know if she panicked and said something she didn’t mean, or if she’ll try and pretend it never happened, like on Sakari.”

Tom reached across the floor for his shoes and started pulling them on. “I need to talk to her-“

“Tom-“

Raging, he rammed his feet into his boots. “I’ve been doing this for months, going in circles trying to figure out where the hell I am with her. Maybe this’ll settle things forever.”

Standing, Tom reached for his uniform Jacket.

Harry stood too, determined to not let his best friend make any rash decisions. “Tom listen, you’ve a really bad day. You nearly suffocated, you’re wound right up and B’Elanna’s not going to be any better off than you are. I think you need to take a step back.”

An incredulous laugh escaped Tom’s throat. “Are you giving me advice now?”

“Only because you need it.” He replied, deadpan and calm.

Tom paused for a moment before continuing. Maybe Harry had a point. 

“I don’t think you should throw away something that could be wonderful because you didn’t let the dust settle. Going at this at warp speed won’t help either of you.”

He’s been about to thrust his arms into his jacket, but the wind was rather taken from his sails. Harry was right. If he saw her now he’d say something he’d regret. Odds were, if he saw her now she’d backpedal. Instead, Tom balled up his jacket and threw it back at the sofa. Then he spoke quietly. “I can’t stand it Harry, the idea that I’m this close and that she might take it all back.”

“Give her a few days.” Harry murmured.

“Days!” Tom exclaimed without raising his voice. He sat back down, resigned to the fact that he couldn’t let his heart override his head right now.

“Tom- you’ve waited this long.” Harry attempted to console his friend. “For what it’s worth. I don’t think she’ll take it back. And even if she does- you shouldn’t accept it.”

A small smile crept across Toms lips. “Have you tried to get her to do something she doesn’t want to?”

Harry chuckled as he leaned back on the sofa. “I think you two are good for each other.” 

Tom managed a small nod. “You’re probably the only person in the galaxy who thinks that.”

Shrugging, Harry continued, “You get each other. And you’re both crazy about each other.”

Looking puzzled, Tom had to ask. “Yeah?”

Harry was surprised Tom needed to confirm that. The fact that Tom and B’Elanna had been found in spacesuits clinging to each other had (once it was ascertained they were both unharmed) caused a fervent flurry of interest from the rest of the crew. Tom and B’Elanna could almost be considered a spectators sport.

“Yeah.” Harry responded. “You know there’s a betting pool on you two getting together?”

“Who’s running that?” Tom asked, slightly outraged that someone had managed to run a betting pool without him. He tried to imagine the odds if he’d placed a bet on this just after getting stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

“My point is,” Harry continued, glad to have diffused and averted the situation for now- “Pretty much everyone thinks you and her are inevitable. Just, ride it out a little longer.”

Harry stood to leave.

“Thanks.” 

**Author's Note:**

> For full integration into how this works in my head (and possibly Tom's) read whilst playing Lou Reed's Perfect Day on loop. That's where the title comes from. 
> 
> Thanks for reading
> 
> Diolch am ddallen


End file.
